Why Do I Keep Choosing Narcissists?
You’ve heard it a thousand times;
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results.” Even when we change people we don't always change our patterns. Often, after a break up from a toxic relationship, we return to the same behaviors that lead us to meeting the prior narcissist. Even though we try to revive old friendships and engage in the same social interactions. Having no new ideas, we frequent the same places and do the same things we always did. And yet, somehow, we as ourselves, "How did I end up with another Narcissist?"
THE TIME IT TAKES TO CHANGE
The simple response to this question is this, "Did you take time for yourself?" While many of us will say "yes" to this question, the more precise question is "what did you do with the time you had after the break up?" So here's a break down of what kind of time is necessary to make you less susceptible to attracting yet another narcissist.
TIME TO MOURN
Regardless of the outcome, you lost more than a partner, there was also a dream, a picture of happiness, future plans and goals for a life together that ended with the relationship.
TIME TO HEAL?
When you love and lose someone it hurts. The pain is a testament to your love and investment. You can’t expect it will heal overnight, it’s a process. The healing begins with forgiving, both yourself and the other person for being flawed.
TIME TO REFLECT?
On past relationships. All of the bad as well as the good. To identify your role in progressing the relationship and your role in its demise.
TIME TO GROW?
The lessons that love has taught us should aid in our development and maturation for future relationships.
TIME TO LOVE YOURSELF?
Even when you doubt your own worth, you must love yourself through all your flaws. This helps us prepare to love and be loved by another and keeps you from looking to others to create and sustain your happiness.
How do you expect to attract a different partner when you’re still the same old you?
To demand better, you must be better. Take care of yourself, love with be there.
Dr. Hurt
****If you are experiencing or recovering from toxic abuse and need help returning to a healthy place, please contact us or another mental health provider to assist you. Healing is an action word.